You have been looking for a home for longer than you care to admit. You missed out on some great opportunities, had a few false starts, and saw some good ones get away. Then it happened - you finally got an accepted offer on a home that you really like, for a price that you can live with. You are excited and ready to go forward. Your home purchase financing is coming together. Then, it hit you: a sinking feeling in your stomach that won't go away. Sleepless nights and stressed out days. It's not Bird Flu - you have a serious case of Buyer's Remorse!


What It Is
Buyers Remorse is a very common phenomenon, and strikes perhaps 10% of all real estate buyers. It is most commonly experienced by inexperienced buyers, who are overwhelmed with the many complexities of their first home purchase. The financial pressure is a big part of it. Let's fact, it, buying a home is a huge long- term commitment, sort of like getting married or relocating to another town or island. You may have friends and relatives who are questioning your decision to buy or your choice of a home. Remember that their needs are different than yours, and their goals may be, too. Don't let outside forces keep you from your dream.

Don't Get Stuck
People vary in how they make decisions. Highly successful and effective individuals are able to analyze large amounts of information and quickly come to a decisive course of action. They don't look back or worry about making the wrong one. Others have great difficulty in all of life's big milestones, from selecting a career or college, choosing a car, or deciding to have children or get married. Paralysis can set in, where no decision is made at all, which is really a sort of decision in itself. Some people just grab the first attractive choice that comes along and hope for the best. They don't worry or fret about it.

But folks who "go with the flow" on their home buying decisions will likely go downstream and end up making a convenient but poor choice. Very few great home buys drop into anyone's lap. If you let yourself get stuck in the doldrums and make no decision at all, you are leaving your future to chance. More people regret not purchasing a home than wish that they remained renters! Everyone wants to be the smarty pants who bought back when prices were so low but I have yet to hear someone brag about watching from the sidelines. Remember that taking no action is really a decision to remain in the status quo. It takes a decisive step to get anywhere in this situation and requires that you step outside your comfort zone a little.

It's The Stress
Making the decision to buy is a big commitment. The longer you have been looking, the more stress you may feel from the weight of this decision. Even though you may have been dreaming of this day, now that it has arrived it is hard to handle . Think of how your life is about to change. No more calling the landlord when something goes wrong. Or maybe you have been living with your family well into adulthood, embarrassing anywhere but in Hawaii. It's a big change, and change can be scary.

The Fear Factor
All major commitments have an element of fear. Perhaps you have well-meaning friends who are giving you conflicting advice. What if interest rates go up before you lock in your mortgage rate? What if prices go down after you buy?
What if the neighbors put up a second story? Or have vicious snarling dogs? What if the seller has repaired a leaking roof with wads of chewing gum? What if a truly spectacular house comes up tomorrow at a giveaway price? What if Chicken Little was right?

Back to Basics
When you start feeling these symptoms, its time to take a deep breath and review your home buying goals. Why are you shopping for a home to begin with? Perhaps you want to have a secure and stable home for your family. Maybe you are tired of landlords raising your rent but not maintaining the property. Or you want to make a house into a real dream home with all the personal touches that reflect your taste. Maybe you want to increase your personal wealth through your real estate, rather than keep your cash tied up in a flat stock market or bank account. These are all positive and worthy aspirations. You may be allowing your fears to control your future rather than allowing your hopes and dreams unfold in a positive way.

Get Wet!
Ask yourself these questions to see if you are ready:

• Does the neighborhood and location offer what you and your family need?
• Have you viewed at least five to ten homes (more is better) in the general area and price range?
• Have you obtained a professional home inspection on the property you selected?
• Are you aware of the home's shortcomings and you can live with them, or remedy them?
• Are you pre-approved for the financing from a reputable lender who has been recommended to you?
• Has your Realtor provided you with a list of other available and sold homes in the area?

If you can answer "yes" to all of these, you are probably ready to take the plunge!

An experienced and caring Realtor will probably sense your fear in advance, and find out if you need more information or more time before proceeding, or if the house or the timing is not right for you.

The Ben Franklin
This is a very old fashioned way to analyze the plusses and minuses of a situation, made famous by Benjamin himself. You simply take a piece of blank paper and draw a vertical line down the center. Name the two columns "Positive" and "Negative". Next you start listing the plusses and minuses of acting now on this house, versus waiting for a "Mystery Dream Home" to appear. (This technique can also be used to find the Mystery Dream Mate, but that's another subject). Include financial, personal, and practical factors for or against taking action. When you have exhausted all of the factors involved in this decision, you will have a strong idea of whether or not you are on the right track. Most people find that the process of writing brings great clarity to the decision. When they have finished this exercise, they know just what to do.

Oops!
If your re-examinations convince you that you have made a mistake, it's honorable to bail out right away. Examples: "This house is an hour and a half from work - what was I thinking?" Or "It has only one bedroom and I just remembered that I have three large children- oops!?!" Or even "I can't afford the Grand Penthouse - I don't even have a job!" Just make sure you find out early on, when the penalties are minimal or non-existent. You can hold your head up high, but make sure you plan better next time.

Don't Look Back
Once you have re-committed to your decision to purchase, stop looking for excuses to change your mind. You will drive yourself nuts, and everyone around you. Realize that you have been victim of a strange yet common disorder which you have overcome, and that you are ready to move decisively forward with your plans to purchase. If your friends ask if you are really going through with it, just smile and nod your head.

The only true cure for Buyer's Remorse is buying that home. It is not always easy, but life is an adventure, so embrace it with all your heart and soul. After all, how many of life's challenges actually put a roof over you head? In the Big Picture, it will matter less what home you bought than that you actually did buy a piece of beautiful Hawaii real estate. Welcome Home!

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