Hey, whatever happenned to Jack?

Hmm? I think I heard about him the other day on the news...

I think he looks kinda like Nacho Libre, The Joker, and a pirate. I think he kind of does it all job-wise. I heard he got smashed drinking Jack Daniels & Cola and was a real jerk and stole a car using a jack handle. Then while driving off he had to swerve to avoid a dog and a bunny and plowed into a fast food establishment...

...He tried to run up the wall to escape the policeman that looked like that guy from the old Hawaii Five-0 TV series. The officer lucked out as Jack tripped over a pumpkin and got tangled in a British flag then was easily apprehended.

So essentially you're telling me he looks like a mix of Jack Black, Jack Nicholson, & Jack Sparrow and is a Jack of All Trades. While he was jacked up on Jack Daniels & Coke he was a jackass and hijacked a car with a car jack. While getting away he avoided hitting a Jack Russell Terrier chasing a Jack rabbit and jackknifed into a Jack In The Box Restaurant...

...He then did a Jackie Chan flip trying to escape from a cop who looked like Jack Lord then hit the jackpot as he tripped over a Jack-O-Lantern and fell into a Union Jack then got arrested?