There is a saying that people come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.
Why do friends drift apart, opposites attract, and relationships end - especially when they seem to start out so well? When there is no way of knowing what caused the fateful shift, a little perspective can often provide a reason or season benefit that brings some peace of mind.
JILL sent a sample of Jack's writing. She wanted a general impression of him. She described him only as "a guy I know" and offered no further information about their connection. Jill also included an introductory note written in her handwriting, providing a clear example of just how these two were likely to interact in a close relationship.
Jill's handwriting
Jill's writing is soft and light. She's very easy-going, doesn't want to make waves, and is happy to do whatever her partner may want. Loyalty first, she stands by those close to her and assumes the best until they prove unworthy of her trust. She has an independent streak but doesn't always have the confidence to act on those spirited ideas. But she trusts her intuition, and that was exactly what made her ask for another opinion. Something just didn't feel right with this guy.
Jack's handwriting
JACK's handwriting revealed a personality far different from Jill. His writing is dynamic, forceful, and energetic. He expects to win and will do what's necessary to get what he wants, including anything that brings him physical pleasure such as food, drink, or sex. He is an intense and angry individual. Enthusiasm and stubbornness can certainly keep him focused yet his words will be sharp and hurtful to those not willing to play by his rules. Jack is most certainly highly motivated, however, his intentions are not romantic, kind-hearted, generous or compassionate. At the time of this writing, it is all about Jack, regardless of his words or the sensitivity they may imply in this letter to Jill. He gets his way by being the bully and dominating his environment and anyone in it. Interestingly, some of these same qualities, to a lesser extreme, could help Jack achieve more positive goals.
Analysis
I suggested to Jill that if she were looking for someone to watch her every step and control her every move, this was her man. I also pointed out that, although his words suggested he understood and even cared about her spending time with her family, it was a lie. In fact, it made him angry and resentful, but he was not about to let Jill know his true feelings at this time.
The rest of the story
Jill met Jack on a trip overseas. She spent a little time with him on that trip, nothing to imply there was a romantic relationship, but since then he had sent cards and letters suggesting that they were far more than very casual acquaintances. Although she liked the attention and the fairy tale excitement of this adventure, she was left with an uneasiness she couldn't ignore. After the analysis, she chose not to pursue the relationship and felt that her instincts were validated.
Jack and Jill are an example of opposites attracting. Although they could have learned a lot from each other, it may not have been worth the price; their differences were far too great. This encounter served Jill for a reason. It may have been a signal to resolve old issues by identifying relationship patterns in her life. If so, it was an opportunity to make healthier and more loving choices going forward.
Write On!
For an example of a lifetime relationship enriched by its differences, see my previous column: Traveling Companions.
