When Jon J. Murakami and I decided to take a research trip to Maui for the next book in our Poi Cats series, I excitedly set our itinerary.
A beautiful sunrise at Haleakala, check.
Quaint old Lahaina Town, check.
Hasegawa General Store, double-check.
But wait - how do we get to the Hasegawa General Store?
Why, the Hana Highway, of course! How wonderful!
As we got off the plane - Jon and his girlfriend, Cass, Derek and I - we chuckled about our little adventures as kids vacationing on Maui.
Derek's dad grew up in Lahaina, so Derek had sweet memories of his father driving the family to Hasegawa General Store. My memories, while not exactly sweet, were at least funny: My dad driving the Hana Highway while my mom watched me get increasingly nauseous reading Archie comics and eating Big Malt.
We looked forward to making our own memories now as adults - except this time I knew better than to eat Big Malt and read in the car and Derek was the brave soul behind the wheel.
After piling into a rented Grand Prix - Jon and Cass in the back while Derek and I were in the front - we were anxious to see famous Hana. Now that Derek and I live here in San Diego, driving for 50-something miles is nothing.
"We'll get there in no time."
Famous last words.
The best way I can describe this very special experience is via a 7-step process. Hey, why not? Alcoholics Anonymous has a 12-step program, it takes five steps to make a peanut butter sandwich, and there are 99 steps to the top of Diamond Head.
For us, there were seven steps to Hana.
Step 1: Excitement
When we first approached Hana, we were struck by its alluring beauty and breathtaking view. "This is awesome!" I raved to the gang. "I can't wait to see old Hasegawa General Store!"
The lush, green surroundings were perfectly complemented by a softly sighing ocean.
If it sounds like a romance novel, that's because it very nearly is. At the first stage, the road to Hana is a dream come true.
Step 2: Novelty
After our first glimpse of the Hana Highway, we began to notice its unique construction. "Oh, hey, wow, look at these interesting turns! And look at the one-lane bridge! How neat!"
Never mind the one-lane bridge allows cars coming from both sides to pass. Never mind that the turns are more like U-turns. And never mind that most of the highway was built by convicts.
It was new to us, so it was cool. Huzzah!
Step 3: Anxiety
By this time, anxiety began to build. "Ohhh, I dunno if I can stay awake for this," said Cass, who looked a little queasy.
"No, you've gotta stay awake!" I insisted. "This is a great experience… as long as Derek stays closer to the mountain. Are you staying as close to the mountain as you can?"
"What - you wanna pick ferns?! I'm close! I'm close!" Derek said, gripping the wheel just a little tighter.
"I never knew just how many one-lane bridges there were," observed Jon, who was clutching his stomach."
Step 4: Fear
It is interesting to see how people deal with fear in different ways. Derek dealt with it as I would assume samurai would have in ancient Japan: with strength and determination.
"We will get through this," he vowed.
Jon dealt with it as I'm sure a newer samurai would have. "Oh, man, I think I'm getting really sick." He probably would have been excused from battle that day.
I looked more like a cat who had just been given a bath. Clutching the door handle tightly, I closed my eyes every time we approached a turn.
And Cass? Well, she passed out.
Step 5: Piety
By this time, we probably gave even the most pious individuals a run for their money.
"Oh, God! Why are there so many one-lane bridges!" cried Derek.
"Oh, God, I think I'm really nauseous," said Jon.
I began making promises. "Please, God, if we survive this, I swear I'll never take life for granted again."
"Please, God, if I make it through, I will never use profane language again."
"Please, God, if we don't die, I promise I will never make Derek eat macaroni and cheese again." (After all, God really wants us to let each other eat what we want.)
Step 6: Anger
After being scared and finding religion, it took a turn for the ugly.
"Of course there are 50-something one-lane bridges! They let convicts build this road!" I groused. "If I were a convict, I woulda put in 60-something one-lane bridges!"
"Hey, you tourist! All waterfalls look the same! Wait until the sacred pools!" snarled Derek.
"I hate being sick! How long is this road anyway?!" muttered Jon.
"Man, I fell asleep for a reason! You telling me we're not there yet?!" said an irritable Cass.
Step 7: Delerium
When we finally arrived at the Hasegawa General Store, it looked like Saks Fifth Avenue.
Jumping out of the car, we praised its location. "Thank you, Hasegawa's, for being here for us. Your spam musubi smells so heavenly. Your shirts that say ‘I survived the Hana Highway' are the coolest. And your parking lot, why, it gives the sacred pools a run for its money!"
We bought coconut candy and a shirt, and then drove down to Hana Bay so we could grab some lunch at Tutu's. A five-dollar cheeseburger never tasted so good. We had, after all, survived the Hana Highway.
And for a short while, like soldiers on leave, we forgot that we had to take the same road back.
Illustration by Jon J Murakami
