Losing a pet to death is not a small matter. You never really get over it. They will always be in your heart. Your pet is a family member, companion, and the love of your life. Just thinking about the pet you lost can bring you to tears. There are things you can do to help you and your family deal with the loss of your beloved pet. I want to share some things here with you that might be helpful to you or a friend who have lost a pet.

Humans grieve, dogs grieve. If the pet you lost was a companion to another animal the one left behind will grieve. Not all pets grieve the same way. The pet left behind will exhibit some behaviors like sniffing the other pets bed, waiting by the door, sulking, whining, searching for the other pet, and other behaviors that can be translated into coping with the grief. We animals live in the moment and we move on from grief faster than humans. We can be distracted by the mere fact that we do live in the moment. We have no schedules to keep. We do have feelings and those of you who are connected to us pets know that we have these emotions. Sometimes people transfer their emotions to their pets. Research is ongoing in this field of animal behavior.

I found a place where you can get some support if you are grieving the loss of a pet. It is called Rainbow Bridge. You can Google it on the Internet. My mom read the poem and wept for the loss of those dear pets. She wept when she thought about me passing on. It is sad that animals don't have a longer life expectancy. You have to enjoy your pets and our unconditional love every day, in the present moment.

I copied the poem here for you to read. The author is anonymous.

You will meet again at the Rainbow Bridge

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.
When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals that had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

In talking to folks about their pet loss, my mom found that there were varying degrees of grief. It was the same grief as if it were a person who died to some of these folks. My mom's friend Stephanie said that never has her heart been so broken after the death of her dog, Cannoli. She still cries when she talks about her sweet dog. Some of us animals just break hearts open. The innocence of a dog can crack open the heart of even the most gruff person. I walk with my mom past a construction site and am amazed when these burly guys come over and talk to me in "doggie sweet talk". There voices get high pitched, they are like little boys again kissing and hugging me.

When you lose a pet you may hear the same lines from well meaning folks around you; "you will get over it", "time heals all wounds", "it was just a dog/cat and you can get another one". You may be fortunate enough to have some coping tools at hand or be able to cope with the pain in your own way.

Grief has no time-schedule. It feels different to every individual. Grief for humans can be overwhelming. Sometimes you never get over the loss of your most precious companion. You can go on and live your lives while keeping those memories in your heart. You may want to talk about your feelings with a close friend, other pet owners, family, therapist, or pet grief support group.

Talking to your children about grief can be challenging. Encourage them to talk about how they feel. Do not downplay this event. How you handle grief will have a lifelong impact on how your child handles grief. Talk about the happy memories of your pet. If your pet was ill or injured, explain that he/she is no longer suffering. The Rainbow Bridge is a wonderful place to talk about to your child. There is a picture in their website of the bridge.

You should have a pet memorial to honor your pet. It does not have to be elaborate. You can do it in the backyard or perhaps at a favorite place you took your dog. It can be anywhere you choose that has importance to you and your child or family. You can bury a piece of the dog's hair or a favorite toy of the dog. You can make a photo collage or scrapbook in memory of your pet. You can write a poem.

You get to decide what is right for you and what values you want to teach in this difficult time. Whatever you decide will be a personal decision. There is no right or wrong way. You will know in your heart what the right thing to do is. You are not alone in your feelings. Having good intentions and the willingness to do the right thing for yourself and your family is a step in the right direction in coping with the grief in losing a pet.

This column is dedicated to all the animals you have loved and lost. It is a reminder of how lucky and blessed you are to have the love of any pets you have now. It is a reminder that someday we will meet your beloved pet at the Rainbow Bridge. Imagine how sweet that reunion will be.

Next month I will discuss Pet Euthanasia and how to prepare for this difficult choice.

Hug your favorite pet and spread that Aloha spirit to a furry friend. We believe in the Rainbow Bridge. We especially like the thought of running with a pack of dogs. We hope to be around this earth for as long as possible but both you and I know somewhere deep in our hearts that we will have to let go of each other at some future time. None of us knows where and when we will reunite. Keeping pleasant thoughts of a special place where we may together again helps to comfort a grieving soul.

Thank you for reading this column. Please feel free to email me and leave a comment on this comment to share your story. I'd love to hear about your kitty friends too.