On this, my first Mother’s Day, I’d like to honor my own mother, Vera Ako, with an extra heap of gratitude. I could not know how hard the job of mothering was until I had my own child. Now I really appreciate her.
My mom is an amazing woman. She was always ahead of her time, earning a Master’s degree from Ivy League's Columbia University at time when women weren’t even getting their undergraduate degrees, and then breaking color barriers by pursuing a career as a dancer, when proper Chinese women didn’t do things like that.
(Mom, far right)
My mom toured with the famous Toy and Wing troupe, which went around the globe, in between stints at San Francisco’s famous Forbidden City, the club upon which the musical Flower Drum Song is based. (This is how I’ve come to know jazz great Jimmy Borges; he was my mother’s contemporary at the club.)
(Mom, far right)
After she married my father, she stopped dancing to become a housewife. I’m lucky to have been raised by a dying breed: the stay-at-home mom. She devoted a lot of time to me and gave me my foundation.
(Mom, top left)
I’ve always had a close, smooth relationship with my mother. She has always been supportive of me and generous towards me, so I always knew I could count on her for help when I had children. When that day came last summer, she stayed at my house for the first six weeks to help watch Olivia.
She took the baby in the morning so I could get extra sleep, helped me through the late morning, then took a break and went home for half a day. In the evenings, my father would drive her back to my house and drop her off for what he joked was her “night shift,” because she slept over.
She claimed Sundays as her own from the get go, but really, she helps me on those days if I really need something, like last-minute grocery items or formula I forgot to buy.
After the first six weeks, when things seemed to smooth out and I felt more confident about doing it alone, I tenuously released her back to her own bed. But she still comes over. Just about six days a week, my mother helps watch the baby.
Her hours change depending on what social engagements she has, or what errands she needs to get done, but she often keys in at 7 a.m. to take Olivia so I can sleep in. It’s great because I can sort of hear her cooing and laughing with the baby behind my closed door. Olivia loves it.
If we are going to be home all day, she’ll usually stay through the afternoon so I can get some office work or chores done. If there are errands, we (and usually my dad) all hop in the car and drive around together.
And yes, I do need them. I’ve learned that there’s no such thing as running a ‘quick’ errand with a baby, because you have to strap her into the car seat, unstrap her at the destination, unfold the stroller, strap her in that, etc. It’s easier if someone waits in the car while I, say, run into the post office.
Some nights, she even takes the baby so Claus and I can go to jujitsu class, or go on a date. (We do have a fantastic babysitter, but he is only part time. ) I try not to wear her out, so we keep these to a minimum, but I appreciate knowing I have some flexibility in my schedule.
When Olivia started eating solid foods, my mother actually encouraged me to steam and puree my own baby food. I hadn’t ever thought of this before, but now we both make her food, because we believe it’s healthier than processed and preserved baby food. Now, twice a week or so, Mom comes walking in the house with a Tupperware full of apple sauce or some other baby concoction for Olivia.
Because my mother is way more concerned about germs than I am, she has started incorporating mopping and dusting into her visits. I find her mopping the floor and all places where Olivia can crawl. It’s very helpful.
If ever I’m tempted to take my mom for granted, I only have to remember this: there was a two month period over the holidays when she was traveling and really busy, and didn’t come by for eight or ten weeks. She saw Olivia for short periods, or if I absolutely needed to go to work and nobody would be around to watch the baby.
I was alone with the baby every day, all day. I don’t mean to sound like that’s a bad thing, because I love my baby. But if you start the day with a sleep deficit, and this was at a time when she was still waking up every few hours overnight, the rest of the day can get very difficult.
So I’m well aware of the value of Mom. And on this day, I’m thanking her for it. Thanks, Mom. I love you!
