After you've been happily married for a while - try more than seven years - the inevitable question starts to pop up.
"When you gonna have kids?"
At first it was easy enough to shrug and point to my young age. "Eh, we have all the time in the world!"
That was when I was in my mid-20s. Now it's not so easy to pawn off kids on a later date. That later date is practically here.
At 32-going-on-33, I have begun to hear other things in addition to "When you gonna have kids?" Things like "Don't wait too long!" or "There are always fertility drugs!" or "Well, if it doesn't happen, there's always adoption!"
And yes, those statements always end with exclamation marks!
People are always so excited about children. It's hard to say a person is pregnant without the all-important exclamation mark... Try it. "She's pregnant." It's almost apologetic.
No, kids and anything about them require certain punctuation.
"That's my son!"
"Look at her niece go!"
"Damn kids!"
So here I am, confronting the inevitable question. When am I gonna have kids? And by the time we decide to have kids, are we gonna need those fertility drugs?
Every time I hear "fertility drugs," I can't help but think of "multiples."
"Multiples," for anyone who hasn't watched an episode of "Jon & Kate plus 8," is a term for when a person conceives more than one baby at a time. Totally possible with certain fertility medications.
Derek doesn't like the idea so much. He's pretty realistic about the care of more than one baby at a time.
"I don't know what we would do," he says on a long sigh. "Man. I just don't know."
I can tell he's really putting himself in Jon's shoes as the TLC show dad walks with his twins and sextuplets.
I, on the other hand, am wholly delusional about the idea of twins, triplets, quadruplets, or even quintuplets.
In fact, I've come up with a special name for our quints: The Suzuki 5.
The Jackson 5 would have nothing on these kids. The Suzuki 5 would be a string ensemble. We'd have two violinists, a viola, a cello and a bass. Everyone would hire 'em, because, hey, our last name is Suzuki. It's a given.
Derek's a mixed bag when it comes to the Suzuki 5. While he agreed they'd be a hit, when I asked him for names for the Suzuki 5 members, he wised off by saying, "1, 2, 3, 4, 5."
He thinks he's so smart, but I have one over on him. I'll just take some cues from celebrities and their name perversions. We'd have Wonn, Tieu, Tharee, Faure and Fayeve.
Clearly Wonn would be the bassist.
The Suzuki 5 would start small by playing weddings and other private events. But eventually Jay Leno would get wind of them and they'd be invited to perform. All this at just 3 years old! (I expect a lot.)
Sure, it would be expensive in the beginning, but after a couple of years, these kids would pay everything back in full! (See, there are the exclamation marks again! Guess money also brings enthusiasm!)
Still, although the idea of the Suzuki 5 is seductive in this exploitive day and age, it's hard to imagine seven of us comfortably in a studio apartment.
Until I make a living wage, it seems a demanding 16-year-old cat will have to suffice. Sadly, the cat has yet to pick up a bass, much less a violin.
"But, hey! Look at that cat go!"
After all, for some of us, at least for now, our pets will have to suffice when it comes to exclamations of any kind.
The Suzuki 5 - Super Best Hits
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