Somewhere along the line, we went from feeding two people, to feeding six. I swear, when people talk about women having The Change, they should also be referring to the massive change that having children brings, and not just menopause.
I feel like my life’s been on some weird speeding Bullet Train ever since I had a kid. Everything, every learned system, every routine, every truth, went out the window all at once. I’m still working to get a fix on it.
So back to the kitchen. Once upon a time, it was just me and Claus. We shared the cooking duties. We enjoyed it as our couples time, and created lavish dishes in the kitchen, followed by a bottle of wine and some pleasant conversation.
If we didn’t want to cook, we’d eat out. Now when I think about those days (if I even have the energy) I feel like I’m looking at those black and white photographs with the faded yellow borders that indicate not just a time, but a whole era gone by.
After having the kid, we imported a live-in babysitter, whose responsibility it is for us to feed. And then, because my mother spends such insane amounts of time helping me watch Olivia, I do her share of the cooking when I get in the kitchen. I figure, if I’m already cooking for my household, how hard is it to portion in another two mouths?
I met the very nice Red Cross CEO Coralie Chun Matayoshi, Esq, a few months ago, and she graciously shared with me her tips on staying sane. (This is the same event at which Olivia got to meet the esteemed Governor Linda Lingle! But all Liv cared about was the Gov's lei.) She and her husband raised three children. Items four and five don’t pertain to cooking, but I think they are great, so I’m going to include it anyway.
TOP 5 SURVIVAL TIPS
1. Don't cook tomorrow what you can freeze today. Avoid having to haul out the chopping block and all of the ingredients to cook the same meal 3 times. Instead, just cook the meal once by tripling the recipe and freezing the rest in portions.
2. Buy an extra freezer and use it, not so much for raw meat that gets forgotten with age, but for precooked meals like lasagna, chili, and shoyu chicken. Cook and freeze plain stew meat in its broth to combine with fresh vegetables for a quick stew, or plain hamburger to convert into tacos or add to hamburger helper. Freeze breakfast foods like cornbread, muffins, pancakes and waffles for breakfast. Freeze extra rice -- tastes like new if zapped in the microwave or used to make fried rice. Freeze shredded cheese in portions for tacos and nachos.
3. Train your kids to help with cooking and household chores at an early age (2 years old is not too soon for them to learn how to scrub the sink). When they're really young they may seem more like a hindrance - keep praising them and making it fun. Before you know it, you'll be out of a job.
4. Condition your kids to go to bed early. If you start training them from infancy, you will have a lot more time to relax at night, and get ready for the next day.
5. Use a master calendar to get organized and plan ahead. Mark all of your family related activities like soccer practices, basketball games, after game snack obligations, birthday parties, and class excursions where shoes or home lunch are required. Also mark before or after work obligations like Board meetings that will require one spouse to take or pick up all the kids from school.
I’m actually still at step one, but I can’t wait to try the rest of the tips. I never used to freeze food, but I realized I had to become a better multi-tasker if I was going to get anything done at home. I bought six pounds of ground beef at Costco and turned that into three different dishes: hamburgers, spaghetti, and meatloaf. It took up so much space in my small freezer that I can see Coralie’s right about buying the extra freezer. I just don’t know where I’m going to put it!
Meanwhile, while we’re on the topic of food, I must say Olivia’s helped me expand my food knowledge. I puree all her food because I believe it’s healthier than processed food. I used to puree her carrots, applesauce, and sweet potatoes. I puree big batches and freeze it.
Thinking it was getting boring for her, I started adding more variety: different squashes, yams, peas, corn, all kinds of fruit. I actually had never prepared a kabocha until I wanted to learn how for her.
Someone gave me Jessica Seinfeld’s Deceptively Delicious cookbook, which teaches you how to sneak in pureed veggies into meals for finicky kids. Olivia’s currently not a picky eater, but should that change, I’m ready with my well-used blender!
MORE TIPS FROM CORALIE:
Preparing Meals & Buying Groceries
I do all of my major cooking and baking in mass quantities on weekends and freeze in ready-to-serve portions for use on weekdays to provide nutritious and delicious meals for my family.
1) Dinner: I always purchase meat on sale in large quantities at discount prices (e.g. 5 lbs. frozen chicken, family size frozen turkey burger; whole fresh king salmon). I plan ahead and try to shop only on weekends so I can take advantage of sales and coupons, and so that I don't get home too late to prepare dinner on weekdays. I buy most items only when they are on sale, and maximize savings with coupons which I keep current in an index file by category.
I conserve energy resources by cooking enough for two or three dinners, freezing, defrosting overnight in the refrigerator only what is needed for the next day, and reheating in the microwave. This way, the most energy intensive cooking (e.g. simmering spaghetti sauce on the stove for an hour) is done only once, instead of two or three times.
I make and freeze large quantities of spaghetti sauce, chili, meat loaf, lasagna, enchiladas and freeze them in dinner-size portions. I oven bake a whole turkey in ti leaves for kalua cabbage or to serve with poi later on. Baked chicken is frozen on styrofoam meat trays ready to pop in the microwave, and marinated chicken dishes are frozen in ziplock freezer bags that can be reheated in the microwave.
One of the most helpful hints I have found is to cook large quantities of plain chicken, hamburger, and stew meat and freeze them in dinner-sized portions. I can then pull out just the right portion of pre-cooked, defatted hamburger and zap it in the microwave with taco sauce to make nachos, or combine it with hamburger helper to make a quick, no mess meal. Pre-cooked chicken and stew meat frozen in their juices allows me to make stew in 15 minutes instead of an hour (the reason why I don't cook the entire dish is because the vegetables don't freeze well). Since the kids peel all of the vegetables, all I have to do is add the spices.
Within 20 minutes after we arrive home from work, the kids and I have dinner on the table. This includes reheating refrigerated or frozen rice in the microwave or cooking spaghetti noodles on the stove; heating up the main course and frozen vegetables in the microwave; making a fresh vegetable salad, carrot sticks or sliced fruit to add vitamins and roughage to the meal; setting the table and pouring the milk. When you don't have to "waste" time cooking meals from scratch every night, you can use your valuable time preparing little "extra" things like garlic bread and fresh grated cheese to go with the spaghetti.
For variety, I make quick meals like fried rice, macaroni & cheese, pizza, corned beef cabbage, or stir fry. I also make big pots of home made vegetable soup or corn chowder and keep them in the refrigerator for lunches or dinners.
2) Breakfast: On weekends when I make pancakes, french toast, cornbread or muffins, I always make more than enough. I freeze cornbread on styrofoam meat trays ready to pop in the microwave, and pancakes and french toast in ziplocks to freeze and reheat in the microwave or toaster. Cereal and milk, oatmeal, bagels, english muffins, sweet bread, frozen waffles, yogurt and fruits are inexpensive and nutritious staples at breakfast time.
3) Home Lunch: While the kids are doing the dishes, I use the leftovers to make lunch for the next day. I either use the meat to make sandwiches, or put rice, meat and vegetables in microwave safe containers. I pack these in a paper bag and add cookies or fruits before putting it into the refrigerator for lunch the next day.
I also freeze homemade grilled hamburgers in buns, hot dogs in buns, burritos and manapua in individual sandwich bags, which can be micro waved for a quick lunch. When the kids have to bring home lunch for an excursion and there is no refrigeration, I can give them a frozen hamburger which will defrost just in time for lunch.
4) Snacks: For home lunches, I buy about five different types of crackers, pretzels, and cookies on sale. The kids and I pack the cookies and crackers into sandwich bag portions and twist tie. Then we put all of the bags in a big plastic container and let the kids choose several bags each day. This way they get a good variety to choose from, and the snacks are bagged in portions ready to go in the morning.
Getting the Kids to School & Yourself to Work on Time
1) The Night Before: all homework is done, corrected, and put in backpacks the night before. Kids are responsible for putting lunch tickets and juice money in their bags the night before. Home lunch is prepared and put in the refrigerator the night before.
2) That Morning: my husband and I get up about twenty minutes earlier than the kids. I make breakfast while my husband gets ready. By the time the kids wake up, breakfast is on the table and I go and get ready while my husband hurries the kids along with eating. By the time the kids are done with breakfast, I'm ready to help them choose what to wear, brush their teeth, and we're off to school and work.
3) The Master Calendar: our large monthly master calendar is affixed to our refrigerator door with magnets and reflects all family-related activities such as soccer practices and games, ballet classes, birthday parties, and excursions. It also indicates when one parent has an obligation such as an early morning or evening meeting which will require the other parent to drop off or pick up all three kids from school. If it isn't on the calendar, it doesn't exist!
We systematically check the kids' school bags for notices of upcoming excursions and events and immediately mark them on the calendar, indicating whether home lunch, shoes, or school T-shirt are required. Since all of the necessary information is marked on the calendar, we can then throw away all of the different notices that cause clutter and confusion.
At a glance the night before, we can tell what is happening the next day and plan accordingly.
House Cleaning
Cleaning isn't such a chore when you work as a team. When the kids are really little, their kind of help sometimes isn't very helpful. Let them help you anyway, and sprinkle them with compliments along the way. They will not only be very proud of themselves, but they will learn the value of responsibility and teamwork at an early age.
Making Time for Each Other & Yourself
From the moment the kids come home from school or sports practice, our attention is focused on them. How was their day? Any excursion slips? Do they need help with homework?
We always make time to sit down and eat dinner together. We have a great time talking, relaxing, laughing, planning, learning new words together with our word-a-day calendar, and of course, eating.
The most relaxing part of the day is after the dishes are washed, the homework is done, the bedtime stories are read, and the kids are in bed. The kids were conditioned at an early age to go to bed at a reasonable time. This is the best thing we could have done for the kids and ourselves. After the kids are asleep, my husband and I have time to talk, relax, read the newspaper, watch the 10 o'clock news, then drag ourselves to bed.
We play tennis with another couple at 7 am on Sunday mornings. Besides taking after dinner walks with the kids around the neighborhood on nice evenings, this is our only form of exercise. We were much more active before the kids were born (I exercised daily when I was pregnant with each child). When the kids were really young, there was just no time. Now we are starting to make more time to keep ourselves fit.
Is There Hope for Women?
Let's get it straight. The only reason why most women struggle to have it all, is because society expects them to do it all. When women didn't work outside of the home, they had babies, cared for the children, did the cooking, dishes, laundry, and shopping. Now that women have joined the work force in equal numbers as men (especially in Hawaii where the high cost of living demands it), how can we expect them to do all of the children rearing (and taking care of elderly parents), cooking, dishes, laundry, and shopping? We are exhausted!
The truth is that men expect women, and women expect themselves (through guilt), to do the lion's share of the child rearing and household chores. Proof? Who feels guilty when the children don't eat square meals, or the house is messy? Who combs the newspaper ads for toilet paper sales and shops for school clothes and supplies? Who does the pre-school call when your child is sick and who usually stays home with the sick child? Mom. And when these things aren't done, society is quick to bandy the label "bad mother." Contrast this with the ease in which men can earn the label "good father" -- don't need to do the dishes or the laundry -- just coach soccer twice a week!
Will women ever be equal at home? Yes, but it's going to take a whole generation of conditioning our sons and daughters to expect it. My husband is a wonderful dishwasher, but he never used to be. My son knows how to cook and clean. If we as a society want men and women to do their fair share at home, then each of us have to condition our own sons and daughters to expect it. I've started my own personal revolution at home, have you?
