Today’s kids and teens belong to a cyber community which is as real and important to them as their physical community. Computers and text messaging are necessary social tools for today’s generation. Thanks to the Internet, their world is exponentially larger than the world in which most adults grew up lending itself to a larger set of socialization concerns.
Cyber bullying is one of these concerns which most adults did not have to deal with in their youth. However, like traditional bullying, cyber bullying can be devastating to the victim. While traditional bullies typically have power over their victim because of size or popularity, cyber bullies can harass their victims behind a veil of anonymity, allowing the bully to be in a position of power regardless of size or social status. Bullying in any form can result in low self esteem, depression, health problems, problems at school and in other relationships, and in some cases even suicide. The effects of cyber bullying can be even more distressing because the victim can be bullied 24 hours a day – often viciously and anonymously – in the presence of a worldwide audience.
Bullies often have poor social skills, poor conflict management skills, poor social judgment, and difficulty showing empathy or compassion to others. Bullying can stem from selfishness, insecurity, anger, frustration, or fear. Bullies are often children who live in situations where they feel out of control or powerless, kids who don’t “fit in” or who feel inadequate. Many times, the victim of traditional bullying becomes the cyber bully. Although being a victim is not an excuse for becoming the perpetrator, it is important that adults fully investigate the cause of the cyber bullying when it is exposed, to avoid the potential for additional bullying directed towards the original victim.
Adults often believe that the obvious, appropriate response to cyber bullying is to ignore the bully, or simply to log out of the chat/IM, or log off of the Internet. However, these may be difficult solutions for teens. The Internet and other forms of technology are essential to youth living in this always-connected digital generation. Electronic technology is how today’s youth make friends, stay in touch and become part of a social group. No longer is popularity – or lack of it – restricted to the smaller physical community in which they live. In a recent interview Amy, a Texas teen, said, “If you don’t have a MySpace account and text messenger you are thought of as a loser – a nobody. Your popularity is measured by your buddy or friends list. And if you make someone mad in real life, or online, you can just kind of expect that they will talk about you somewhere online. I’m really careful who I tell things to – personal things – because I see so much stuff posted online by people who are mad at someone else about something.” When asked if she would avoid going online if she was being bullied online Amy said, “I don’t think so. I’d just try to ignore them. Or, try to get them back for what they said, or maybe tell an adult if they were really getting to me.”
Teens are often reluctant to report cyber bullying. And as Amy mentioned, many teens believe that some name calling, finger pointing and other "bullying" behaviors online happen to just about everyone to some degree. Most teens would say that, although it may not be right and they may not do it, it is really no big deal. These teens often believe that unless physical threats are made, the behavior should simply be ignored. However, some victims have neither the confidence nor the poise to do so and their reaction encourages further taunting and humiliation. The very victims of bullying that are most at risk are also the ones that seemingly offer the reactions the bullies crave. Bullies most often don’t consider themselves to be bullies because they believe that everyone “does it” at some time. They also believe that the victims should just “get over it.”
Unfortunately, focus often tends to be directed more on responding to the behavior of cyber bullying, rather than proactively addressing the causes of cyber bullying. Teaching cyber citizenship/ethics is at the heart of preventing cyber bullying. From the time children are old enough to play with their peers, we are teaching them how to interact appropriately and responsibly with others. And as children enter school and begin using the technology tools that are so important to their generation, we must infuse those teachings into lessons concerning appropriate technology use. We teach our children that name calling, being mean and excluding others is not OK in their physical community. We teach our children that they should not gang up on others to victimize someone smaller, weaker, less intelligent, or less talented. We teach our children how to solve problems and conflicts appropriately. When discussing these topics in the context of real life, we should include relevant examples of how to handle online situations which parallel these real-life situations. We must also address undesirable behaviors which are often motivated by peer pressure and the need for acceptance.
It is important that kids and teens are aware that, not only could some of their actions online be wrong, some of their Internet behaviors could be illegal. While children must understand the emotional effects of cyber bullying, they must also recognize that their actions could carry consequences that could change their lives forever. How will they explain these undesirable actions to future college admissions officers, employers, or spouses who find it all posted online for the world to read? Not to mention legal consequences which could also be imposed. Take for example the March, 2008 news report from Florida about 6 teenagers who videotaped their vicious attack of a fellow classmate with the intention of posting the video on YouTube. All 6 of these students face kidnapping and battery charges and will be tried as adults.
There are several tips your child should know to guard against becoming the victim of cyber bullying. Children should not give out their cell phone number, screen name or e-mail address to people they don’t know. They should never share passwords, even with their closest friends; friends change and someone could log on masquerading as them and do real damage. Sharing buddy lists increases the odds of a child becoming a bully’s victim. Children must assume no digital communication is ever really private; e-mail and IMs can be forwarded, copied and pasted into profiles or changed to distort conversations. Young people should use emoticons; the best way to convey that a message was written in jest is to use the “smiley face.” And finally, encourage your son or daughter to avoid discussing very personal or private things online altogether; they should use the phone or talk in person.
