If looks could kill... Neal Miyake photo

I'm sick with a cold, I'm past deadline, I'm rambling, no more surf, but here goes...

"What?"
"Why?"
"Like beef (fight)?!"
"No, I like pork chop!"

Back in my high school days (way back), this semi-joking verbal interchange sometimes escalated into a fight, triggered by one simple thing--a stink eye.

Stink eye is a Pidgin English slang for dirty look. It represents disapproval, antagonism, or sometimes even intimidation.

This is *not* an example of stink eye, Neal Miyake photo

So what does stink eye have to do with surfing? Actually, at the more competitive lineups, there's more stink eye thrown out than most of us would like to admit. (In less crowded/competitive lineups, aloha *should* prevail.)

I consider myself a pretty friendly guy, but I admit that many times I find myself acting all habut (grumpy) in the water, especially amongst strangers. I think it’s an unfortunate result of the crowding of surfing lineups that our very desire for stoke simultaneously spawns negativity.

No matter how altruistic we try to be about the surfing lifestyle or ours, it has always been primarily about personal gratification. And that gratification is best achieved by catching waves and experiencing the surfing rush, many times at the expense of others.

Happy is not happy at Lanson right now, Neal Miyake photo

Waves are unique like snowflakes, but are also finite in quantity. There are only so many rideable waves coming through any given surf spot on any given day, meaning there's only so much to go around. This may sound a bit blasphemous, but in that sense waves can be considered a precious commodity of sorts that may need to be somewhat managed.

So what does a wave-hungry surfer resort to? Well, in a competitive lineup every bit of edge you can get helps. So being stoic, or even a bit intimidating in the lineup can help increase your wave count (though the converse can work as well). If someone sitting deeper than me calls me off, then decides to not go, man, as far as I’m concerned he wasted our collective commodity. That guy deserves a mean stink eye. Sometimes that little vibe is necessary to make it known that waste won't be tolerated.

"I thought you was going brah!?!" Neal Miyake photo 

Or if someone does a lineup faux pas such as talk too loud or get all agro--these are also grounds for stink eye by the rest of the lineup.

It is much easier to jockey with a stranger than it is a friend. And sometimes you just have to give the intimidating vibe of "I'm going so don't even think about taking off," to force the issue. (Guilty as charged!)

Then there’s the issue of seniority and experience in the lineup. I feel like I've paid my dues by decades in the lineups, so yes I sometimes get a little bullish and assert myself. There is psychological warfare going on, which sounds weird for our hedonistic pursuit, but unfortunately it’s true.

Regardless of all that I babbled about, dropping in on people is just plain wrong (although I admittedly have done so by accident or on purpose to friends). Dropping in is not only uncool, but it and can be very dangerous.

Eh, no make stink! Neal Miyake photo

Anyway, if you see me in the lineup and I'm throwing all attitude and stink eye, just break the ice by coming up to me and saying, "No, I like pork chop!"  I'll take off my grumpy façade and grin back. Maybe I'll even give you a wave. Maybe.

Stay stoked!

Note: A staring contest is a variant of stink eye that also occurs in the lineup. Conan O’Brien was the champion of late-night staring. Maybe we'll explore this phenomenon in detail in another article.