People naturally categorize things they experience; behavior, religion and politics, socio-economic status, food, music, whatever.  We sort and label by genus as a way to neatly classify the millions of differing dispositions around the world.  In the eccentric and often separatist world of surfing, if you have the misfortune of standing on your surfboard with your right foot forward, you’re branded as being “goofy”.

Like a person’s age, ethnicity, and possibly sexual orientation, surfers don’t choose to be goofy.  It’s imprinted in their muscle memory the moment they stand up on their first wave, a kind of instinctive natural selection that feels right, feels good.  You face the wave going left, put your back to it going right.  Congratulations, I now pronounce you goofy!

Not so much anymore, but in the early days this was a spiteful and discriminatory tag started rather sadistically by the “regular” crowd of surfers that rode with their left foot forward.  Everyone was taught that their way was the proper way to stand on a surfboard, and if you didn’t comply, well, you know, you were processed out of the cool group as a goofy! Some of the sting was taken out of the term when “foot” or “footer” was added somewhere around the 60’s/70’s, and you became a “goofyfooter.”

Is this is how the maligned Goofy is perceived?  (Illustration: D. Luke)

But goofyies were largely considered by their elitist regularfoot (left foot forward) tribe as a mutated subspecies; abnormal, subversive, rebellious, non-compliant, anomalous, even insubordinate.  But aren’t these the quirky character attributes emblazoned on every surfer’s shield of honor anyway? Even today, there’s a smug “That boy ain’t right” attitude that still exists, like we’re the freaky looking extras from the Star Wars bar scene. Go figure.

As a goofyfoot grom, I was subjected to lots of teasing (kids can be way cruel) by surfing family and friends who were all regularfooters.  Worsening the insecurity was (and still is) the fact that I write and throw with my right hand, brush my hair and teeth with my left, eat with my right, flip pages with my left, shave with my right, kick left footed, and see better out of my right eye.  Wait a minute, now that I’ve actually written it all out, maybe me IS goofy!  Hmmmphh.

I tell you, it just never seemed fair for us goofballs.  All the perfect waves in the world were rights (where regularfooters can ride facing the wave) and even when there was a good left, a courtesy righthander would be peeling beautifully off the other side of the peak.  Even the North Shore’s lone bastion of goofy domination, the Pipeline Masters, has been won many times by regulars in bloody Backdoor rights!  The sport’s most celebrated surfers have been regularfooters.  I mean, how does a hapless goofer compete with the likes of Jeff Hakman, Michael Peterson, Mark Richards, Shaun Tomson, Tom Curren, Sunny Garcia, Kelly Slater, and all their combined championships and media adulation?

To the credit of the comparatively minuscule goofy cadre, some of the world’s greatest and most enigmatic, innovative surfers have ridden right foot forward; Jose Angel, Rolf Arness, Wayne Lynch, Gerry Lopez, Tom Carroll, Derek Ho, Marvin Foster, Glen Winton, Mark Occhilupo, Rob Machado, and others have done the goofyies proud in their respective eras.. 

As a matter of fact, many still consider Australian goofyfooter Tom Carroll to be the best overall North Shore surfer of all time, with his radical and daring performances at every major big wave surf spot over the last 30 years.  In my opinion, only the late great Andy Irons could compete with Carroll for being as consistently excellent at the three majors; Pipeline, Sunset, and Waimea. Tommy-Gun ain’t too shabby at Haleiwa, Rockpile, and Monster Mush either!   Because he rarely surfs Sunset Beach and has never really distinguished himself there, I’m forced to omit the amazing Kelly Slater from consideration for this honor.  There is no higher accolade in surfing than being hailed as the best ever in Hawaii, and the throne still rests proudly atop the balding pate of a near 50 year old 5’6” screwfoot (Aussie slang for a goofy, and yet another rude epithet)!

Yes, the goofyies keep coming and Goofy Nation is here to stay folks!  Take that ya’ regularfoot snobs?!!!

JUNE ON OCEANIC SURF CHANNEL

• By popular demand,  Oceanic SURF Channel will rebroadcast the first two 2011 ASP World Tour events from Australia;  The Quiksilver Pro Gold Coast and Rip Curl Pro Bells Beach contests saw Kelly Slater lay down the gauntlet at Snapper Rocks for an unprecedented 11th world title, and Joel Parkinson counters with a dominating performance in pumping Bells bowl.
   
• We’re sorry to announce that the 2011 Sponsor Me Pro @ Ala Moana Bowls event and live TV broadcast have been cancelled this year due to lack of sponsorship funding.  Oceanic SURF Channel will replay the 2010 contest in HD so you Bowls addicts can get your fix!  Watch for announcements.